American Idol Ketchup

Well, I've been actually posting on a newsgroup instead of my own blog- how embarrassing- so I decided to cross post for no other reason than I created this damn thing, why not use it. I didn't bother to do any commentary on the auditions, because they are a huge joke, anyway. My comments start with the first day in Hollywood, brodcast on 2/8/06. Here goes:


First- much like the bullshit montages of bad singers doing the same song that they torture us with on the audition episodes, the footage of the sight-seeing contestants needs to fall by the wayside. I would rather see more of the contestants sing than watch Garet cry in the ocean and Kellie Pickler doing her bus and truck tour of Steel Magnolias. Get rid of it!

I can't figure it out, but for some reason, I don't want to kick the shit out of Ryan Seacrest this season. I'm grateful for small blessings.

Ok, did the fat one in the rust colored dress make it through? Is she the one who sang Bjork for her audition?

Kellie Pickler, you're not that great and the cornpone schtick is very annoying. Unlike Garet, who really seems to be that dorky, Kellie has definitely studied Carrie Underwood's tapes with a keen eye. She should have tried another schtick to rip off, because there's no way in hell they are going to let a Carrie clone win the very next year.

I wasn't as impressed with Patrick Hall as everyone else seemed to be, but I think it's because he was straining too much. It was a poor choice of song, as he doesn't quite have the range and doesn't do falsetto the way David Gates could on all those Bread songs. However, he has potential.

I thought both Ronnie Norman and Steven David did a much better job than several of the people who made it through to the next round. I thought perhaps it was their personalities that did them in until I saw all the fey posturing of the Brittenum twins. Perhaps Steven David got bounced because in hindsight, his dance with Paula seemed really icky and after the Corey Clark debacle of last year, they weren't taking any chances. I have no explanation for Ronnie not going through- he sang wonderfully and was no more annoying than Scott Savol, and a hell of a lot more talented and more pleasing to look at. AI's first big mistake (well, second if you count them not putting Holly from Boston through)

Lisa Tucker reminds me of Irene Cara. She was good, not great.

Shelby Johnson and Eden Kentner murdered Hopelessly Devoted to You. I liked Matthew Buckstein, though it wasn't a perfect a vocal. It was the wrong choice and I'd like to see what else he can do before he gets voted off.

More Hollywood sightseeing and I still don't care. Ayla, take your hand out of the concrete. You don't know where it's been.

Oh my god, make Ashley Guadamuz stop. Please make her stop. Oh, now she's lecturing us. MAKE HER STOP. Someone should kill LeAnn Rimes so she could roll over in her grave after hearing that rendition.

Kymyata Kelty. Oy.

Lynelle Kagawa- man, how did these people get through to Hollywood?? Paula and Randy must have really been pissed off at Simon that day.

Paris Bennett is up and though she has an almost flawless voice and I applaud her for choosing songs that aren't necessarily what one would expect from her, I don't feel she's doing herself justice enough. Can't Fight the Moonlight was a dreadful choice. She sould have sounded much better with a different song. God, I would have loved to hear her sing The First Cut is the Deepest. Her personality puts me off some, as well. It feels like an act to me. Grandma is definitely coaching her. The thing is, she's amazingly gifted and doesn't need it.

Ohhh, I have much love for Taylor Hicks. He has a truly beautiful voice. Simon is slowly coming around. Slowly.

Ok, since no one seems to want to say it, I guess I'll have to- Garet Johnson is mildly retarded. There, his secret is out. There's no shame to it. Hell, Fantasia is illiterate and 3/4 of all the rappers in the business can't add double digits. Eat your paste proudly, Garet!!! But take off that fucking neckerchief.

Montage of losers, thankfully Shelby Johnson is among them, as is some nameless chick whose facial mole is so huge, she could have duetted with it onstage. Perhaps Ain't No Mountain High Enough?

Just curious- since the whole group of day two contestants gets to go sightseeing, do they let the people who get cut from Day One go sightseeing with those that made it through to the next round on Day Two? If so, then that would be something I'd watch. Shelby Johnson shoving Kellie Pickler in front of the tour bus.

I kinda feel bad for Megan Zieger, but her shit attitude toward the other contestants leaves me cold. Also, you don't make excuses, you just do it or don't do it. Remember that woman last year who sang three times in Hollywood through a bad throat problem? She adjusted, she did it, made no excuses for her voice and made it through as far as she could before it got the better of her. I hope Megan doesn't make it much further.

I've never thought the Brittenum twins were any good. All vocal tricks and little real talent. And they are more obnoxious than Savol on a good day. I hope they rot in jail. The other twins weren't all that great, either, but no worse than the Brittenums and a hell of a lot nicer. I'm sorry, who is Fat Fu Man Chu beard going to hook the Simmons twin up with? His defense attorney? Did they steal a car, too?

This Shai song is dreadful (I don't even know who Shai is) Gina Glocksen sucks, but she's not as bad as David Radford, who is no better than Dave Hoover. Hate on Ace all you like, but he's the only one to make this song sound the least bit listenable, though Kevin Covais did a credible job.
I was rooting for him, but how did Garet Johnson get through? If I'm being honest, he sang appallingly. That wasn't nerves, it was inexperience. A turkey can only coach you so far.

Katharine McPhee- I'm not feeling it. She reminds me of Anwar, someone else who was wildly overpraised, but barely mediocre until he brought in the power notes to rescue himself. She's not a star.

Chris Daughtry outsang Taylor Hicks. I think some people here were comparing him (unfavorably) to Constantine, but Chris can actually sing. Constantine pouted and occasionally managed to not embarrass himself, vocally. I like him and I hope he goes far.

Mandisa Hudley was lovely all the way around. Is this the chick Simon made that really cruel fat joke about? Well good for her for blowing his brush cut off.

And finally, there is nothing to say about Dave Hoover except I hope this is a lesson to Paula and Randy to not purposely put people through just to spite Simon. Paula looked mortified and I'm glad. Many people skip the auditions and start watching the show here and I can just imagine what they must have thought of Dave making it to Hollywood. I hope they are all justly ashamed of themselves.