The Shark Jumped Over the Moon: AI Wrap-up 2/14/06
They sort of just jump right into the group numbers, don't they? Made me feel like I missed something. They gave the illusion (or reality) that the group numbers started the minute after the last people were cut. Why not give them one day to rehearse? It might make for less compelling television re: all the sniping and backbiting but we might actually get to see some of these people sound like they actually belong there.
Is that the whiny voice problem chick complaining about no dinner? Who called the SAG rep!!
Oh, here goes Terrell again with his bitching and moaning- however, I will say in his defense, if they all agreed to stay up and rehearse then the other two suck for ditching them. On the other hand, I hope Terrell meets the business end of a shiv in jail soon. Poor Anthony.
Ohhhh, so the quote actually was THIS IS THE REASON why I don't do groups. Well, I guess that blows everyone's bitching (mine included) out of the water. Thanks, FOX asshole editors.
Aww, Nick and Marcie are cute. Brenna needs a slap.
Did they give Terrell a room without a telephone? Did Simon arrange for him to sleep in the utility closet? Why is he ALWAYS on the hallway phone? They don't charge you for room to room calls, you dumb fu man chu motherfucker. Poor Anthony.
Again, what is the point of making them not sleep and expect them to perform? Is it to get them prepared for the pressures of stardom? Does each floor of the hotel have a pusherman offering a little pick me up? Unbelievable. I guarantee that if they left these people alone for a day to rehearse, there would still be plenty of drama to choose from. The longer you're with someone you don't like, the more ripe it becomes.
What is Brenna's problem? I think they missed a crucial stitch in the unfolding of that story. Now I'm just confused and irritated at one more person with more ego than talent. Can we please give the good people some more screentime like Taylor Hicks or Chris Daughtry or Mandisa??
And there's Terrell on the hallway phone again. Why doesn't he just break into some Japanese tourists room and use their phone or steal their karaoke machine and just fucking sing the song himself?
And we're finally getting into the performances. Paris Bennett is up first. Yikes! I have to say this girl is quickly losing any good will she might have garnered from her first audition. She has sucked on toast for two songs in a row now. Of course they'll pass her through. Videotape doesn't grow on trees and they have to protect their investment. The other two girls are also pretty awful, and Simon tells them they were pitiful, backed by Seacrest's astute, host-whispering commentary of "Tough criticism from the judges. Now we'll see who goes and who stays." Gosh, thanks Ryan. I'd get lost in the whole miasma of Idol if I didn't have you to take me by the hand and guide me through.
Now Terrell's Thanksgiving Day float-sized head is squeezing onto the stage, along with the other three boys he's going to sink in order to stay alive. Anthony is first and sounds okay. Not strong, but on key and solid. Elliot is next and sounds decent. Sway, for all the fuss people in this NG have made over him, sings appallingly and looks like a crack-baby. And then Terrell lets some of the gas out of his float-head and they're done... except Terrell isn't. He's gotta bitch everyone out for not following protocol. Then the judges tell him that Elliott was the best of the four and Terrell was one of the weaker ones AND THEY STILL PUT HIM THROUGH!!!!!! But they cut Anthony and keep Sway. Poor Anthony.
Terrell in the lobby adding insult to Anthony's injury. Though everyone from the group but Anthony was safe, Terrell has to go off and complain that the reason they were bad was because Anthony is tone deaf. Can someone tell me where the Brittenum twins are incarcerated? I want to pay a hack to make them both bleed out. Anyone wanna contribute? I bet we could stage a telethon and finance some torture for them, also.
And we're back with the Rat Pack: Kevin Covais, Josh Jordan, David Radford and William Makar. Hey Paula, could any of them voice a cartoon rat? My vote would be Kevin. Though decent voiced, has a lisp to rival Sylvester the Cat. Josh Jordan and David Radford have identical voices- identically awful. This is Radford's second rotten performance in a row and they all get passed through to the next round, though the only one deserving was William Makar who truly stood out.
Oh swell, just when you thought is was safe to go back into the Orpheum, there's Derrell onstage, making up an entirely new lyric sheet to I Can't Help Myself. Fuck Kelly Clarkson, I think Holland/Dozier/Holland ought to ban Idol from using their songs. If I hear one more Motown song that Susan Sarandon has lipsynched into a hairbrush or Glenn Close has danced to in the kitchen while serving an eco-friendly meatloaf, I'm gonna throw a brick through the screen. Leaving me with just a picture of your mind????? Kee-rist.
So now Derrell gets to have his say, because he was backstage with a stopwatch clocking his brother's rant and wants to be sure he gets equal time. Remember during the waning days of Laverne and Shirley when Cindy Williams was so jealous of Penny Marshall that she used to go through the script each week and count her lines as compared to Penny's? And if they were equal to or greater than, she refused to work? Ladies and gentelmen... I give you Shirley and Shirley.
Derrell quits because he thinks his brother was not passed through, which means he must have been backstage offering to have one of his close personal industry friends take care of Anthony. He cuts off Simon and has his say, all smug until he finds out his brother wasn't cut after all. Someone cue up the "Fred has egg on his face" music from The Flintstones, please.
Mandisa and her group sing Band of Gold and all do very well and all make it through.
Okay, I have to admit that the montage of all the missed lyrics to I Can't Help Myself was pretty funny and a decent time waster.
Tyra Schwartz flip-flops between groups three times and miraculously is allowed back into her old group 30 minutes before they go on. I would have kicked that bitch to the curb. Or at least made her sing with the Brittenums. All I can say for Tyra is she is one lucky chick. The group she abandoned the second time around is dreadful and all get cut, deservedly. The three girls look lost, as though Tyra was the glue holding them together, which makes them even more pathetic than they came across. When it's Tyra's turn to sing, she is dreadful, but still makes it through. Ok, new rule- the judges are NOT allowed to get ear candeling the day before the group sings.
"I'll tell you what and this is how it is. I believe my brother and I has exemplified what it is to be a true American Idol." Holy. Fucking. Christ. Scott Savol doesn't look so bad now, does he? Amazingly, Simon has to ruminate on the twins' fate. I think it would have been funnier for Terrell to turn around and tell his brother- "you on your own!" Simon gives them 30 minutes to pee or learn the lyrics or get over their nerves or whatever he usually gives a half hour for before coming to the ridiculous decision that despite all their tsuris, the Brittenum Twins are just far too talented to do without this season on Idol.
And now Brenna and her two groupmates are up. Brenna- You suck. The bluster was all for naught. So, of course, she sails through with flying colors. Okay, so to recap, Brenna, the Brittenum twins, the sore throat chick- all egotisitcal nightmares who can't sing- all get to go through. Ronnie Norman, sort of annoying but you could tell it was all just bluster, fabulous voice- gets cut.
Two and a half minutes, folks. 150 seconds. That's how long they wasted on the idiotic Brokenote Mountain. We could have seen Chris, Taylor, Patrick, Jason, the cool chick who looks like Countess Vaughn... hell, even Pickler and Katharine McPhee all sing in that time, but no- we had to waste it on Brokenote Mountain.
And now it's Day Two and they all go back and do it again. We divide them up into four rooms and are told half are going home. Not half the rooms, apparently or someone's fractions are off. (Probably Paula's. You know she's never even cut a tranqulizer in two, let alone divided a group of people) Three of the four rooms are passed through to the next cut. Hey, here's a shocker- The Brittenum Twins are among them. However, there is some good news, Tyra Schwartz and Gina Glockson are both swept clean from the colon of the Orpheum, but nasty parasites still cling. Tune in tomorrow to see them cut more good people.
Is that the whiny voice problem chick complaining about no dinner? Who called the SAG rep!!
Oh, here goes Terrell again with his bitching and moaning- however, I will say in his defense, if they all agreed to stay up and rehearse then the other two suck for ditching them. On the other hand, I hope Terrell meets the business end of a shiv in jail soon. Poor Anthony.
Ohhhh, so the quote actually was THIS IS THE REASON why I don't do groups. Well, I guess that blows everyone's bitching (mine included) out of the water. Thanks, FOX asshole editors.
Aww, Nick and Marcie are cute. Brenna needs a slap.
Did they give Terrell a room without a telephone? Did Simon arrange for him to sleep in the utility closet? Why is he ALWAYS on the hallway phone? They don't charge you for room to room calls, you dumb fu man chu motherfucker. Poor Anthony.
Again, what is the point of making them not sleep and expect them to perform? Is it to get them prepared for the pressures of stardom? Does each floor of the hotel have a pusherman offering a little pick me up? Unbelievable. I guarantee that if they left these people alone for a day to rehearse, there would still be plenty of drama to choose from. The longer you're with someone you don't like, the more ripe it becomes.
What is Brenna's problem? I think they missed a crucial stitch in the unfolding of that story. Now I'm just confused and irritated at one more person with more ego than talent. Can we please give the good people some more screentime like Taylor Hicks or Chris Daughtry or Mandisa??
And there's Terrell on the hallway phone again. Why doesn't he just break into some Japanese tourists room and use their phone or steal their karaoke machine and just fucking sing the song himself?
And we're finally getting into the performances. Paris Bennett is up first. Yikes! I have to say this girl is quickly losing any good will she might have garnered from her first audition. She has sucked on toast for two songs in a row now. Of course they'll pass her through. Videotape doesn't grow on trees and they have to protect their investment. The other two girls are also pretty awful, and Simon tells them they were pitiful, backed by Seacrest's astute, host-whispering commentary of "Tough criticism from the judges. Now we'll see who goes and who stays." Gosh, thanks Ryan. I'd get lost in the whole miasma of Idol if I didn't have you to take me by the hand and guide me through.
Now Terrell's Thanksgiving Day float-sized head is squeezing onto the stage, along with the other three boys he's going to sink in order to stay alive. Anthony is first and sounds okay. Not strong, but on key and solid. Elliot is next and sounds decent. Sway, for all the fuss people in this NG have made over him, sings appallingly and looks like a crack-baby. And then Terrell lets some of the gas out of his float-head and they're done... except Terrell isn't. He's gotta bitch everyone out for not following protocol. Then the judges tell him that Elliott was the best of the four and Terrell was one of the weaker ones AND THEY STILL PUT HIM THROUGH!!!!!! But they cut Anthony and keep Sway. Poor Anthony.
Terrell in the lobby adding insult to Anthony's injury. Though everyone from the group but Anthony was safe, Terrell has to go off and complain that the reason they were bad was because Anthony is tone deaf. Can someone tell me where the Brittenum twins are incarcerated? I want to pay a hack to make them both bleed out. Anyone wanna contribute? I bet we could stage a telethon and finance some torture for them, also.
And we're back with the Rat Pack: Kevin Covais, Josh Jordan, David Radford and William Makar. Hey Paula, could any of them voice a cartoon rat? My vote would be Kevin. Though decent voiced, has a lisp to rival Sylvester the Cat. Josh Jordan and David Radford have identical voices- identically awful. This is Radford's second rotten performance in a row and they all get passed through to the next round, though the only one deserving was William Makar who truly stood out.
Oh swell, just when you thought is was safe to go back into the Orpheum, there's Derrell onstage, making up an entirely new lyric sheet to I Can't Help Myself. Fuck Kelly Clarkson, I think Holland/Dozier/Holland ought to ban Idol from using their songs. If I hear one more Motown song that Susan Sarandon has lipsynched into a hairbrush or Glenn Close has danced to in the kitchen while serving an eco-friendly meatloaf, I'm gonna throw a brick through the screen. Leaving me with just a picture of your mind????? Kee-rist.
So now Derrell gets to have his say, because he was backstage with a stopwatch clocking his brother's rant and wants to be sure he gets equal time. Remember during the waning days of Laverne and Shirley when Cindy Williams was so jealous of Penny Marshall that she used to go through the script each week and count her lines as compared to Penny's? And if they were equal to or greater than, she refused to work? Ladies and gentelmen... I give you Shirley and Shirley.
Derrell quits because he thinks his brother was not passed through, which means he must have been backstage offering to have one of his close personal industry friends take care of Anthony. He cuts off Simon and has his say, all smug until he finds out his brother wasn't cut after all. Someone cue up the "Fred has egg on his face" music from The Flintstones, please.
Mandisa and her group sing Band of Gold and all do very well and all make it through.
Okay, I have to admit that the montage of all the missed lyrics to I Can't Help Myself was pretty funny and a decent time waster.
Tyra Schwartz flip-flops between groups three times and miraculously is allowed back into her old group 30 minutes before they go on. I would have kicked that bitch to the curb. Or at least made her sing with the Brittenums. All I can say for Tyra is she is one lucky chick. The group she abandoned the second time around is dreadful and all get cut, deservedly. The three girls look lost, as though Tyra was the glue holding them together, which makes them even more pathetic than they came across. When it's Tyra's turn to sing, she is dreadful, but still makes it through. Ok, new rule- the judges are NOT allowed to get ear candeling the day before the group sings.
"I'll tell you what and this is how it is. I believe my brother and I has exemplified what it is to be a true American Idol." Holy. Fucking. Christ. Scott Savol doesn't look so bad now, does he? Amazingly, Simon has to ruminate on the twins' fate. I think it would have been funnier for Terrell to turn around and tell his brother- "you on your own!" Simon gives them 30 minutes to pee or learn the lyrics or get over their nerves or whatever he usually gives a half hour for before coming to the ridiculous decision that despite all their tsuris, the Brittenum Twins are just far too talented to do without this season on Idol.
And now Brenna and her two groupmates are up. Brenna- You suck. The bluster was all for naught. So, of course, she sails through with flying colors. Okay, so to recap, Brenna, the Brittenum twins, the sore throat chick- all egotisitcal nightmares who can't sing- all get to go through. Ronnie Norman, sort of annoying but you could tell it was all just bluster, fabulous voice- gets cut.
Two and a half minutes, folks. 150 seconds. That's how long they wasted on the idiotic Brokenote Mountain. We could have seen Chris, Taylor, Patrick, Jason, the cool chick who looks like Countess Vaughn... hell, even Pickler and Katharine McPhee all sing in that time, but no- we had to waste it on Brokenote Mountain.
And now it's Day Two and they all go back and do it again. We divide them up into four rooms and are told half are going home. Not half the rooms, apparently or someone's fractions are off. (Probably Paula's. You know she's never even cut a tranqulizer in two, let alone divided a group of people) Three of the four rooms are passed through to the next cut. Hey, here's a shocker- The Brittenum Twins are among them. However, there is some good news, Tyra Schwartz and Gina Glockson are both swept clean from the colon of the Orpheum, but nasty parasites still cling. Tune in tomorrow to see them cut more good people.
posted by kieran at 12:43 AM
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