Because the night...was two hours long. AI Wrapup 2/21
Twelve girls go in. Ten girls come out. And oh, how I wish it were a couple less. I really don't think I can endure one more week of Brenna Gethers. I've already seen her with her claws out and girlfriend needs a manicure.
Ryan "Shortcake" Seacrest yaks it up for a few minutes before introducing the ladies. They come out like a bad football team. Mandisa (lovely), Kellie (looking more and more like Joan Van Ark from Knots Landing everyday), Becky O'Donohoe (no personality) Ayla Brown (cute as a bug) Paris Bennett (way too much attitude), Stevie Scott (zzzz) Brenna Gethers (give a big kiss, lambchop, the clock is ticking), and the rest, none of whom has anything worth discussing...
Randy's dogpound '06 is in the hizzouse. They'll be made to bark, sit up and roll over at various intervals in the show.
RPS are introduced and do they ever have anything interesting to say? The banter between Cowell and Seacrest is particularly painful. Paula looks as though she has the same hairdresser that created the disastrous coiffure that Patricia Arquette had at the Emmys this year. Randy believes in the boys, but is he keepin' it real? He'll change his mind.
We see a montage of how the girls made it to the Top 12. They forgot to include the footage where Heather Cox, Becky O'Donohoe and Melissa McGhee blew the producers, 'cause that's how THEY got there.
Mandisa is up first and she is on fire, literally and figuratively. I don't know what it is about Heart songs, but they work spectacularly on AI. Carrie did a great rendition of "Alone" last season and Mandisa smokes up the house with "Never." The girl is classy, adorable and can blow the shit out. So of course, Randy calls her sharp. I'm already voting for her.
I vote for Mandisa all the way through Kellie Pickler's umpteenth version of her white trash sob story. Does anyone know who's watching her two-headed baby back home? I worry Granddad (the babydaddy) is too old to care for an infant on his own.
Kellie is singing some crap Martina McBride song because, well, that was Carrie's favorite and she's done nothing if not study up on Ms. Underwood. She dedicates the song to her daddy who, amazingly, hasn't been released from prison in the 80 seconds since she last mentioned him. The performance is sub-okay, and the judges softball her by forgetting to mention her vocals and talk all about her natural personality. Really? This girl has something natural on her? Yikes. Then Ryan banters with Kellie for what feels like 100 years all about her grandaddy. Does this chick have some serious father figure issues or what? She manages to moo "Pick Pickler" before she's shoved off the stage. No, dear, it's Ick, Pickler.
Becky O'Donohoe is next and she's singing "Because the Night." My guess is she's basing it on the 10,000 Maniacs version and hasn't got a clue there was actually an original version by Patti Smith. Wow, her Longuyland accent is strong when she speaks. The creepy stage motherish twin is in the audience. The performance isn't bad. She screws up a few words, but it's better than I expect from this clotheshanger. The judges start the great downslide, with Randy and then Paula mentioning that, though Becky missed some notes, that's not really that important. It doesn't matter if you can sing, apparently. Miss notes, so what? Hoo boy!
Ayla Brown is wearing someone's aunt's pantsuit from 1975. Hideous outfit, but lovely voice. She sings some utterly forgettable Xtina song (before she got Dirrrrty) from the film Mulan. I bet Sway is upset he didn't think of that one. She actually sounds very good, does a lovely job, especially with a dreadful number. Pickler is upstairs mouthing along with the vocals, trying to draw attention to herself. I'm surprised she isn't holding up a sign that says "My Heart (and virginity) Belongs to Daddy"
Now we're treated to the next big pimping of the night (Ick, Pickler was the first), Paris Bennett. Tons of footage of Paris, her grandma, her momma, her earrings, her ear-splitting Hollywood performances... I realized today who Paris reminded me of with that matronly hairdo- Weezy Jefferson. The show stylists must have agreed, because she has a sassy new 'do. Unfortunately she looks like Joyce Dewitt in the early seasons of Three's Company. Back to the Lola Falana Wig Company for you, Paris. Miss Bennett is also sporting a 70s denim tube-toppish gaucho thing that is pure yikes. She sings "Midnight Train to Georgia." She bounces around the stage, trying to distract us from her performance, which is just this side of yecccch. She almost gives us a peek at some jailbait titty, but the judges have their tongues so far up her ass, they are distraction enough. They overpraise her wildly. Come and knock on our door, indeed.
I'm still voting for Mandisa. Got through 10 times, so far.
Stevie Scott is up next and she sings(?) some Josh Groban song, so she's already got two strikes against her. Unfortunately her voice adds up to another four strikes, so that's six in all. She's going home twice. I'd grab a souvenir backstage tonight, honey, cause it is the end of the road. Did anyone catch Brenna upstairs making pained faces throughout the performance? Don't make me like this girl. Uh-oh, Paula's meds have kicked in. She's slurring and using words like "ethereal." I so want her to be face down by the time they get to McPhee. Simon excoriates Stevie Scott and she begs for another chance, even hitting on Ryan, the poor, delusional thing. She claims she will bring it next time. What, her luggage?
Brenna is next, posing and voguing for the camera. I swear if we went backstage with a camera, we'd find RuPaul coaching her from the wings. Brenna bleats a bunch of nonsense, then claims she's singing "You are the Sunshine of My Life" to show her softer, more gentle side. Sweetheart, I've seen both your sides and neither of them can sing. The judges don't like the performance, but apparently Simon isn't through "making good tv" since he all but dares the viewers to vote for Brenna so they can see her wild side next week. Girlfriend poses some more. I'm sending her a thermos of my vomit.
Heather Cox is next. Oh yes, she definitely blew someone to get here. They give her a brief montage, where she states that she watches American Idol like a stalker (I'm gonna bet Jessica Sierra loved hearing that) and that she knew she had a 50/50 chance for the judges to sending her through to the Top 24. Wow, Heather. You mean they could have said yes (50%) or they could have said.... no (50%)? Thanks for sussing that out. Now go sing. She chooses the worst of the original AI songs, "When You Tell Me that You Love Me." And she gives it everything it deserves- a wretched vocal. If she's still here after Thursday, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess she swallows.
Ryan tells some jokes equal in quality to the last performance and then introduces Melissa McGhee, who has competed in beauty pageants. As an undercover FBI agent, I'm guessing, cause she is NOT that pretty. If she manages to win, will they give her a tiara and bouquet and make her walk the runway? Better keep RuPaul on retainer. Melissa sings a Faith Hill song that I'm not interested in even typing the title of. Dull performance, but she should hang on another week. She may have potential. Simon can't put his finger on what the problem is and why Melissa may not last until Melissa kindly reminds him that this is the first time this season the country has gotten to hear her sing, period. He agrees with her before thinking about it and I hope he will spend the rest of the season living that down, because it's true.
Lisa Tucker is next and she sings "I Am Changing" from the musical Dreamgirls. I like Lisa and I would love to say she did a good job, but vocally and emotionally, she is too young for the song and it was too ambitious of a choice for her. She falters a LOT, and is flat half the time but manages some power notes to cover. The judges go apeshit. I think they're wrong, but Lisa is a good singer and deserves another go-round, which she will easily get.
Kinnick Sky is next and we've had not much of a chance to get to know her, either. She sings "Get Here" and does a very Jeckyll and Hyde performance. Half the song is mannered and half the song is wild. It doesn't work, but it's not a disaster. She won't go too far, but hopefully, she'll last another week. I have my doubts.
Katharine McPhee is last (how fitting) and she already gets on my nerves by claiming the song she's singing, "Since I Fell For You" was *originally* done by Barbra Streisand. No, dear. It was a huge hit by someone named Lenny Welch about 10 years before she recorded it and was covered by dozens of people before Babs got her meathooks into it. The best thing I can say about McPhee is that she didn't get paid by the syllable tonight. But her voice does nothing for me. Again, Mrs. Anwar Robinson. Simon nearly busts a nut all over her dress, claiming hers the best performance of the night. My eyes are sore from rolling back into my head.
I managed 17 votes for Mandisa.
Okay, my rankings from 1-12
1- Mandisa
2- Ayla Brown
3- Becky O'Donohoe
4- Kinnick Sky
5- Lisa Tucker
6- Melissa McGhee
7- Kellie Pickler
8- Katharine McPhee
9- Brenna Gethers
10- Paris Bennett
11- Stevie Scott
12- Heather Cox
Who will go: Stevie Scott and Heather Cox (though Heather's slut factor could keep her an extra week and Kinnick could get dumped instead.)
Who should go: Heather Cox and Brenna Gethers, cause that bitch needs to be taught a lesson, as does that bitch Simon Cowell.
Tomorrow night are the boys. Things are looking up
Ryan "Shortcake" Seacrest yaks it up for a few minutes before introducing the ladies. They come out like a bad football team. Mandisa (lovely), Kellie (looking more and more like Joan Van Ark from Knots Landing everyday), Becky O'Donohoe (no personality) Ayla Brown (cute as a bug) Paris Bennett (way too much attitude), Stevie Scott (zzzz) Brenna Gethers (give a big kiss, lambchop, the clock is ticking), and the rest, none of whom has anything worth discussing...
Randy's dogpound '06 is in the hizzouse. They'll be made to bark, sit up and roll over at various intervals in the show.
RPS are introduced and do they ever have anything interesting to say? The banter between Cowell and Seacrest is particularly painful. Paula looks as though she has the same hairdresser that created the disastrous coiffure that Patricia Arquette had at the Emmys this year. Randy believes in the boys, but is he keepin' it real? He'll change his mind.
We see a montage of how the girls made it to the Top 12. They forgot to include the footage where Heather Cox, Becky O'Donohoe and Melissa McGhee blew the producers, 'cause that's how THEY got there.
Mandisa is up first and she is on fire, literally and figuratively. I don't know what it is about Heart songs, but they work spectacularly on AI. Carrie did a great rendition of "Alone" last season and Mandisa smokes up the house with "Never." The girl is classy, adorable and can blow the shit out. So of course, Randy calls her sharp. I'm already voting for her.
I vote for Mandisa all the way through Kellie Pickler's umpteenth version of her white trash sob story. Does anyone know who's watching her two-headed baby back home? I worry Granddad (the babydaddy) is too old to care for an infant on his own.
Kellie is singing some crap Martina McBride song because, well, that was Carrie's favorite and she's done nothing if not study up on Ms. Underwood. She dedicates the song to her daddy who, amazingly, hasn't been released from prison in the 80 seconds since she last mentioned him. The performance is sub-okay, and the judges softball her by forgetting to mention her vocals and talk all about her natural personality. Really? This girl has something natural on her? Yikes. Then Ryan banters with Kellie for what feels like 100 years all about her grandaddy. Does this chick have some serious father figure issues or what? She manages to moo "Pick Pickler" before she's shoved off the stage. No, dear, it's Ick, Pickler.
Becky O'Donohoe is next and she's singing "Because the Night." My guess is she's basing it on the 10,000 Maniacs version and hasn't got a clue there was actually an original version by Patti Smith. Wow, her Longuyland accent is strong when she speaks. The creepy stage motherish twin is in the audience. The performance isn't bad. She screws up a few words, but it's better than I expect from this clotheshanger. The judges start the great downslide, with Randy and then Paula mentioning that, though Becky missed some notes, that's not really that important. It doesn't matter if you can sing, apparently. Miss notes, so what? Hoo boy!
Ayla Brown is wearing someone's aunt's pantsuit from 1975. Hideous outfit, but lovely voice. She sings some utterly forgettable Xtina song (before she got Dirrrrty) from the film Mulan. I bet Sway is upset he didn't think of that one. She actually sounds very good, does a lovely job, especially with a dreadful number. Pickler is upstairs mouthing along with the vocals, trying to draw attention to herself. I'm surprised she isn't holding up a sign that says "My Heart (and virginity) Belongs to Daddy"
Now we're treated to the next big pimping of the night (Ick, Pickler was the first), Paris Bennett. Tons of footage of Paris, her grandma, her momma, her earrings, her ear-splitting Hollywood performances... I realized today who Paris reminded me of with that matronly hairdo- Weezy Jefferson. The show stylists must have agreed, because she has a sassy new 'do. Unfortunately she looks like Joyce Dewitt in the early seasons of Three's Company. Back to the Lola Falana Wig Company for you, Paris. Miss Bennett is also sporting a 70s denim tube-toppish gaucho thing that is pure yikes. She sings "Midnight Train to Georgia." She bounces around the stage, trying to distract us from her performance, which is just this side of yecccch. She almost gives us a peek at some jailbait titty, but the judges have their tongues so far up her ass, they are distraction enough. They overpraise her wildly. Come and knock on our door, indeed.
I'm still voting for Mandisa. Got through 10 times, so far.
Stevie Scott is up next and she sings(?) some Josh Groban song, so she's already got two strikes against her. Unfortunately her voice adds up to another four strikes, so that's six in all. She's going home twice. I'd grab a souvenir backstage tonight, honey, cause it is the end of the road. Did anyone catch Brenna upstairs making pained faces throughout the performance? Don't make me like this girl. Uh-oh, Paula's meds have kicked in. She's slurring and using words like "ethereal." I so want her to be face down by the time they get to McPhee. Simon excoriates Stevie Scott and she begs for another chance, even hitting on Ryan, the poor, delusional thing. She claims she will bring it next time. What, her luggage?
Brenna is next, posing and voguing for the camera. I swear if we went backstage with a camera, we'd find RuPaul coaching her from the wings. Brenna bleats a bunch of nonsense, then claims she's singing "You are the Sunshine of My Life" to show her softer, more gentle side. Sweetheart, I've seen both your sides and neither of them can sing. The judges don't like the performance, but apparently Simon isn't through "making good tv" since he all but dares the viewers to vote for Brenna so they can see her wild side next week. Girlfriend poses some more. I'm sending her a thermos of my vomit.
Heather Cox is next. Oh yes, she definitely blew someone to get here. They give her a brief montage, where she states that she watches American Idol like a stalker (I'm gonna bet Jessica Sierra loved hearing that) and that she knew she had a 50/50 chance for the judges to sending her through to the Top 24. Wow, Heather. You mean they could have said yes (50%) or they could have said.... no (50%)? Thanks for sussing that out. Now go sing. She chooses the worst of the original AI songs, "When You Tell Me that You Love Me." And she gives it everything it deserves- a wretched vocal. If she's still here after Thursday, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess she swallows.
Ryan tells some jokes equal in quality to the last performance and then introduces Melissa McGhee, who has competed in beauty pageants. As an undercover FBI agent, I'm guessing, cause she is NOT that pretty. If she manages to win, will they give her a tiara and bouquet and make her walk the runway? Better keep RuPaul on retainer. Melissa sings a Faith Hill song that I'm not interested in even typing the title of. Dull performance, but she should hang on another week. She may have potential. Simon can't put his finger on what the problem is and why Melissa may not last until Melissa kindly reminds him that this is the first time this season the country has gotten to hear her sing, period. He agrees with her before thinking about it and I hope he will spend the rest of the season living that down, because it's true.
Lisa Tucker is next and she sings "I Am Changing" from the musical Dreamgirls. I like Lisa and I would love to say she did a good job, but vocally and emotionally, she is too young for the song and it was too ambitious of a choice for her. She falters a LOT, and is flat half the time but manages some power notes to cover. The judges go apeshit. I think they're wrong, but Lisa is a good singer and deserves another go-round, which she will easily get.
Kinnick Sky is next and we've had not much of a chance to get to know her, either. She sings "Get Here" and does a very Jeckyll and Hyde performance. Half the song is mannered and half the song is wild. It doesn't work, but it's not a disaster. She won't go too far, but hopefully, she'll last another week. I have my doubts.
Katharine McPhee is last (how fitting) and she already gets on my nerves by claiming the song she's singing, "Since I Fell For You" was *originally* done by Barbra Streisand. No, dear. It was a huge hit by someone named Lenny Welch about 10 years before she recorded it and was covered by dozens of people before Babs got her meathooks into it. The best thing I can say about McPhee is that she didn't get paid by the syllable tonight. But her voice does nothing for me. Again, Mrs. Anwar Robinson. Simon nearly busts a nut all over her dress, claiming hers the best performance of the night. My eyes are sore from rolling back into my head.
I managed 17 votes for Mandisa.
Okay, my rankings from 1-12
1- Mandisa
2- Ayla Brown
3- Becky O'Donohoe
4- Kinnick Sky
5- Lisa Tucker
6- Melissa McGhee
7- Kellie Pickler
8- Katharine McPhee
9- Brenna Gethers
10- Paris Bennett
11- Stevie Scott
12- Heather Cox
Who will go: Stevie Scott and Heather Cox (though Heather's slut factor could keep her an extra week and Kinnick could get dumped instead.)
Who should go: Heather Cox and Brenna Gethers, cause that bitch needs to be taught a lesson, as does that bitch Simon Cowell.
Tomorrow night are the boys. Things are looking up
posted by kieran at 12:01 AM
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