Did You Ever Know Paris Was Her Own Hero? AI Re-Cap 2/28
I'm back from NYC and I managed to go five days without hearing who got voted out of American Idol the first week. I have to say that Becky over Heather surprised me, but Patrick over David only irritated me. I'll be around with a recap of my trip later, but now is the time for more important things...
It’s Tuesday and you know what that means. No, not watching the Gilmore Girls inevitable slide into mediocrity after 6 seasons. It’s time for the Top Ten female caterwaul- errr, singers to show their stuff.
Seacrest in. And he’s wearing the Willy Wonka jacket from earlier in the season. How has Miss Seacrest allowed the stylists to let him wear the same outfit more than once. Unless they’re making him bring his own clothes from home in order to save money. Gotta find a way to make those trips back to Albermarle somehow.
Quick cut to the dawg pound and Will Makar is hopping up and down. I guess the producers forgot to tell him to go before the show started.
And your ten are (in order) Katharine McPhee, Kinnick Sky (in the hat Sway chose not to wear last week), Lisa Tucker (I am changing, indeed. Into a bra two sizes too big for me.), Melissa McGhee, Heather Cox, Brenna Gethers, Paris Bennett and her 25 pounds of bullshit attitude, Ayla Brown (who is apparently still growing), Kellie Pickler and Mandisa!
Seacrest looks like a prep school second grader who won the penmanship contest and got to be the narrator in the school play. All he’s missing are the short pants. Ditch that jacket, man. Kevin Covais rejected that thing cause it was too juvenile. Ryan introduces the judges and the audience house right takes a seat, while house left remains standing. I can’t tell if this is a half assed protest or if house right is just way lazy. Man, Seacrest needs a spa day. Eyes are so puffy.
Oh Christ, the Idols are going to share their defining Idol moments with us. It’s only 90 minutes tonight, couldn’t they just, oh I don’t know…. sing? Katharine McPhee is up first and let me just say- I believe every single word about her that disgruntled loser chick said in her interview. People only lie when they’re covering their own asses. When they’re talking about someone else, it’s usually got more than a grain of truth to it. And she made a major crack in the façade when she pulled that shit the day she made it into the Top 24 with her kissing stories. Bitch, she does too many runs, and she’s not all that pretty, either. I know, I’m in the minority, but so what.
Kat tells us all about her special friendship with Kellie Pickler. There’s a surprise. The fake leading the phony. Let’s hook Paris’ caboose to that train while we’re at it. We see lovely “spontaneous” shots of K&K jumping into bed with one another, putting on make-up and tanning solution (guess who hogged the lion’s share of the bottle) pretending to laugh, then really laughing when directed to think about Becky and Stevie getting axed, and hugging each other. McPhee manages to squash Pickler into a head lock before she can start talking about Daddy. I love you, but this is my spot, bitch.
She manages to make it through one verse of some Stevie Wonder song before she starts handing out the syllables like free samples at a Costco. Me-Eh-eh-EM-oooor-EE-EE-EE-EES. And she’s off and I can’t understand a word she’s saying now. Not horrendous, though mom does NOT look happy. C’mon, say it, Randy, say it- PITCHY!! Awww, come on! The one time it’s warranted but all he’s gonna do is blow on the song choice. And feed Paula a cracker, cause she’s parroting him all the way. Simon didn’t like the performance, and it was forgettable. Can we seriously buy Paula a Hannibal Lechter mask if we can’t take away her meds? Please tell me Emilio Estevez beat her while they were married. She brays at Katharine that she’s a stah! And Katharine sticks her tongue out at Simon. I hope he turns on her next week.
Kinnik is up next, but not before Katharine gets pimped with a little more face time on Ms. Sky’s dime. Seems Kinnik has a method to her madness. She’s wearing a cowboy hat because she’s going to sing a country song, some Gretchen Wilson. Wait, was that the sound of someone shooting themselves in the foot? In Kinnik’s “idol moment” she switches from a cowboy hat to a black panty shield and hoop earrings so big my dog tried to jump through the left one. I like her, though, and I like what she had to say about seeing the stage for the first time. She’s the elder in the ladies’ group (as if 28 should even be allowed to be called old, but in this business, it’s ancient and that sucks.) and I hope she gets to stick around a little longer and enjoy this.
The song she’s chosen is “Here For the Party” and she does a decent job, though her mike is turned down too low and the backup singers are way too high in the mix. Kellie Pickler is upstairs clapping robotically because no one is paying attention to her and grandpa probably raised her to “hate those coloreds.” I think this was better for Kinnik than last week’s song and I’m happy to be wrong about the choice. She did a decent job. So of course, Randy is going to unsheathe his three inch penis from his rolls of fat and piss all over it. They want them to take chances, they don’t want them to take chances. It’s all bullshit. Paula parrots and Simon says it was like a theme park singer’s performance. Paula breaks in with some very important criticism- she wants to see Simon on a roller coaster. This week’s DOC (drug of choice) some sweet thai stick.
I throw Kinnik 20 votes and I’m sad to say I had no trouble getting through.
Lisa Tucker is next and I think she ought to be disqualified right out of hand for being a professional performer. She’s got an Equity card, has toured with a major musical production and was on fucking Star Search (which should be enough to banish her to hell). I don’t know, it seems unfair. But then, is anything about this show fair?
I don’t know what song she’s singing (but I would venture to say it was not originally recorded by Barbra Streisand). She starts out very wobbly, her voice like that roller coaster Paula wants to see Simon on. (still shaking my head at that one. Paging Emilio Estevez.) Lisa’s parents are trying to mouth the words, but they don’t know them. Hey, Bucky has that problem, too! I’m sorry folks, this performance is not good. It was mostly off-key the whole way through. Let’s see what the judges think… So Randy talks about song choice. Did he win Rock/Papers/Scissors tonight and get to use that as an excuse. Paula parrots him again and trots out the star routine. On the stairway, Katharine McPhee is pissed because Paula told her she was a star. Sweetheart, Paula told the janitor in the green room he was a star. She’s a DRUG ADDICT. Simon softballs Lisa cause he likes her, but I’m sorry, Kinnik was better than either McPhee or Big Bra. I think at this point, we need to get rid of the judges. They have outlived their usefulness (or my patience.) Lisa gets no votes from me, even if she would have been good, because Simon pimped her so hard.
Melissa McGhee is singing a Reba McEntire song I’ve already forgotten the title of and I’ve actually already forgotten Melissa exists. She’s in that amorphous clump I like to call beckymelissaheather, as in beckymelissaheather is going to sing some song I don’t care about, so it’s time to cut my toenails or floss my teeth. And even though Becky is gone, she still is part of the clump because they are all the same person.
In Melissa’s interview, she talks about having to pack for four months and I snort soda out of my nose all over the keyboard. Oh, honey…. As if! Besides, there are some very nice K-Marts not too far from where you’re staying. We see some footage of Melissa on a red carpet and I swear, she’s wearing the blouse Katharine McPhee had on tonight. And she’s going on and on and on about flip flops. Just shut up and go downstairs and get eliminated already.
Okay, someone feed me a cracker, cause these song choices DO suck. Melissa’s so boring, they keep cutting to the backup singers who look like extras from 227. Randy calls the performance HOT and dawg pounds it up and they cut to a shot of Melissa’s friends in the audience, Ivana Trump and Shirley Knight. Paula’s meds are in full kick and as Simon tries to spill some truth out to Melissa, Paula interrupts and paws him. Simon finally calls her on her bullshit and tells her how annoying she is and sitting next to her is like being with some precocious child. Good for you, Simon. This bitch should have been fired after she fucked Corey Clark. Paula changes seats and we can see Randy is really packing on the pounds again.
Ryan tells us that after the break, Heather Cox performs, but I’m guessing we won’t see her on her knees in front of Nigel Lythgoe. No, we’re gonna hear her butcher “Hero” by Mariah Carey. Heather talks about walking down Hollywood Boulevard for the first time. Get used to it, Peaches. It’s gonna be your beat in about two weeks.
Not sure what to say. On the one hand, it’s miles above what she did last week. But that could be accomplished if she farted into a jar. She’s dull, but she sounds okay, until that sustained note that everyone but Heather herself knows she didn’t pull off. The audience must have been expecting a train wreck, because they were surprised, too. Paula is running out of steam because she’s. starting. to. talk….like…….this. She tells Heather she looks great (fuck you, Paula) but that doing a Mariah song is not a good idea because she’s being compared to the singer herself. And Simon uses yet another metaphor. They want Heather to be gone, but I have to say I would rather see her stay over Melissa and I think the judges were unduly harsh to her so I’m gonna throw her some votes.
Brenna is next and Ryan is all giggly over her and wants to try on her earrings. Brenna is singing “Last Dance” by Donna Summer, but is going to vamp for the camera for about three hours first. I hate her and I cannot wait to order a Big Mac and fries from her register next month. She starts the song off in a very bizarre place that makes it sound like she forgot the words. She’s pretty sub-standard. The karaoke comparison would fit snugly here. But the most fascinating thing about the performance is that for about three seconds, she dropped the posing and sneering and looked absolutely terrified and nervous, then picked it back up again. Paula is at a loss, so she asks her favorite face saver- “How do you think you did?” which is a huge mistake to ask someone like Brenna. She thinks she did wonderful and that America thinks she did wonderful. And all I’m wondering is if Jaye P. Morgan is in the house to bang Brenna’s gong earrings and send the bitch home. Randy’s keepin’ it real (and sneak snacking on a hoagie under the table) and Simon has given up on Brenna. She had one chance to bring the claws out and did not deliver, so Simon doesn’t need her anymore. Bye, bye, Brenna. Ryan threatens us with Paris after the break. I better finish my apple quickly so I don’t gag.
Paris has her fifteenth hairstyle, this one modeled after Diana Ross in the runway sequence from Mahogany. Paris is like the reverse Wooly Willy. Every week, the producers take a magnetic wand and draw a different hairstyle on her. Paris’ outfit is just as crazy as she is. Paris promises to bring on the heat, claiming she has “favor” while pointing skyward. One wonders if she’s indicating to God or the producers in the control booth. Ryan is not having her fucking ego and looks like he wants to push her down the stairs, so he sneers that Paris will be doing us a favor by singing after we watch her video.
Wearing a necklace made of ben-wa balls and yet another hairstyle, Wooly Paris talks all about her fashion sense and how she’s presented all her sides. Does anyone still like this chick? Why? Paris is singing “Wind Beneath My Wings” which you know she’s dedicated to herself. In fact, I’m surprised she didn’t say “I’ll be doing Wind Beneath my Wings tonight, which was originally sung by me.” The camera soars around her Constantine-style and we get a glimpse at the back of the outfit. Attached to the outside camisole thing seems to be a weightlifter’s belt, which makes sense, considering she has that enormous ego to lug around. Truthfully, this is the best she’s sounded since she did “Take Five” at the initial audition, but it still didn’t blow me away. Randy compares her to Lauryn Hill, which I’m not sure is a compliment, unless he’s talking about ego. Paris isn’t eating it up with a spoon so much as hanging back expecting more praise to be heaped upon her. They keep cutting to a shot of Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son during Paris’ critique. Simon calls her 17 going on 50.
Ayla Brown is doing a Celine Dion song, but first she talks about going from baby dyke to lipstick lesbian. Another solid performance from her. A couple small rough patches, but overall, even better than last week. The judges agree, but what pisses me off is that they call Heather on doing a Mariah song because they say there’s no way you won’t be compared to the original, who is such an icon, yet they say nothing to Ayla for singing a Celine song. I don’t want them to say anything to Ayla, but it just shows what a bullshit comment it is in any context. Simon knocks her down a few pegs because she isn’t his pimp pick, yet she’s doing better than he expected her to do, so he’s got to figure out how to sabotage her. He now tells her he wants to see more rawness. I throw Ayla a shitload of votes, half because I like her and half to spite that asshole Cowell.
One more song to Mandisa! And I am gonna earn that big ball of loveliness, because I have to wade through Kellie and her bullshit to get to it. Kellie is talking about all the big city things she’s been exposed to since coming to Hollywood. Things like…. spinach. And squid, which the fourth Judd informs us is called Ca-Ca-Calamari. Thanks, Kel. Not all of us grew up watching Hee Haw. Kellie is going to be singing “Something to Talk About” and I would like to start a petition to forever ban this song from future episodes of American Idol. Soooo sick of it. Kellie is a wedding singer. Plain and simple. Well, maybe a wedding singer for siblings who marry. She did better than last week, but it still bores me. Paula pimps Pickler hard and definitely had some reinforcements in the substance department during Ayla’s song. Randy pimps Kellie even harder. You know what this means… more Daddy stories. Simon says you cannot help but like Kellie. Simon, I know a few hundred people who would disagree strongly. Simon encourages her to give us more dumbass stories, so expect next week to hear all about Kellie’s first encounters with things like toilet paper and air.
Mandisa! Finally! Amandla! Mandisa makes me wait a whole 90 minutes to hear her and she’s rewarding me by singing a Faith Hill song. Why, Mandisa, why??? You better knock this shit out of the park or I’m switching my allegiance to Ayla. Terrible song choice and she was clearly nervous and it affected her performance. Very shaky, but had some good moments. I’m gonna stand by my lady one more week. I’m throwing her much love and much votes. She needs to seriously bring it next week, though. I think she may be in danger. The judges give her a few belated valentines, so maybe she’s safe for a while. She is so adorable.
Okay, so my ranking after an incredibly dull show (please can the country songs, they are so terrible.)
1- Ayla
2- Mandisa
3- Kinnik
4- Heather
5- Melissa
6- Kellie
7- Paris
8- Katherine
9- Lisa
10- Brenna
Who should go: Brenna and Lisa
Who will go: Brenna and Kinnik
It’s Tuesday and you know what that means. No, not watching the Gilmore Girls inevitable slide into mediocrity after 6 seasons. It’s time for the Top Ten female caterwaul- errr, singers to show their stuff.
Seacrest in. And he’s wearing the Willy Wonka jacket from earlier in the season. How has Miss Seacrest allowed the stylists to let him wear the same outfit more than once. Unless they’re making him bring his own clothes from home in order to save money. Gotta find a way to make those trips back to Albermarle somehow.
Quick cut to the dawg pound and Will Makar is hopping up and down. I guess the producers forgot to tell him to go before the show started.
And your ten are (in order) Katharine McPhee, Kinnick Sky (in the hat Sway chose not to wear last week), Lisa Tucker (I am changing, indeed. Into a bra two sizes too big for me.), Melissa McGhee, Heather Cox, Brenna Gethers, Paris Bennett and her 25 pounds of bullshit attitude, Ayla Brown (who is apparently still growing), Kellie Pickler and Mandisa!
Seacrest looks like a prep school second grader who won the penmanship contest and got to be the narrator in the school play. All he’s missing are the short pants. Ditch that jacket, man. Kevin Covais rejected that thing cause it was too juvenile. Ryan introduces the judges and the audience house right takes a seat, while house left remains standing. I can’t tell if this is a half assed protest or if house right is just way lazy. Man, Seacrest needs a spa day. Eyes are so puffy.
Oh Christ, the Idols are going to share their defining Idol moments with us. It’s only 90 minutes tonight, couldn’t they just, oh I don’t know…. sing? Katharine McPhee is up first and let me just say- I believe every single word about her that disgruntled loser chick said in her interview. People only lie when they’re covering their own asses. When they’re talking about someone else, it’s usually got more than a grain of truth to it. And she made a major crack in the façade when she pulled that shit the day she made it into the Top 24 with her kissing stories. Bitch, she does too many runs, and she’s not all that pretty, either. I know, I’m in the minority, but so what.
Kat tells us all about her special friendship with Kellie Pickler. There’s a surprise. The fake leading the phony. Let’s hook Paris’ caboose to that train while we’re at it. We see lovely “spontaneous” shots of K&K jumping into bed with one another, putting on make-up and tanning solution (guess who hogged the lion’s share of the bottle) pretending to laugh, then really laughing when directed to think about Becky and Stevie getting axed, and hugging each other. McPhee manages to squash Pickler into a head lock before she can start talking about Daddy. I love you, but this is my spot, bitch.
She manages to make it through one verse of some Stevie Wonder song before she starts handing out the syllables like free samples at a Costco. Me-Eh-eh-EM-oooor-EE-EE-EE-EES. And she’s off and I can’t understand a word she’s saying now. Not horrendous, though mom does NOT look happy. C’mon, say it, Randy, say it- PITCHY!! Awww, come on! The one time it’s warranted but all he’s gonna do is blow on the song choice. And feed Paula a cracker, cause she’s parroting him all the way. Simon didn’t like the performance, and it was forgettable. Can we seriously buy Paula a Hannibal Lechter mask if we can’t take away her meds? Please tell me Emilio Estevez beat her while they were married. She brays at Katharine that she’s a stah! And Katharine sticks her tongue out at Simon. I hope he turns on her next week.
Kinnik is up next, but not before Katharine gets pimped with a little more face time on Ms. Sky’s dime. Seems Kinnik has a method to her madness. She’s wearing a cowboy hat because she’s going to sing a country song, some Gretchen Wilson. Wait, was that the sound of someone shooting themselves in the foot? In Kinnik’s “idol moment” she switches from a cowboy hat to a black panty shield and hoop earrings so big my dog tried to jump through the left one. I like her, though, and I like what she had to say about seeing the stage for the first time. She’s the elder in the ladies’ group (as if 28 should even be allowed to be called old, but in this business, it’s ancient and that sucks.) and I hope she gets to stick around a little longer and enjoy this.
The song she’s chosen is “Here For the Party” and she does a decent job, though her mike is turned down too low and the backup singers are way too high in the mix. Kellie Pickler is upstairs clapping robotically because no one is paying attention to her and grandpa probably raised her to “hate those coloreds.” I think this was better for Kinnik than last week’s song and I’m happy to be wrong about the choice. She did a decent job. So of course, Randy is going to unsheathe his three inch penis from his rolls of fat and piss all over it. They want them to take chances, they don’t want them to take chances. It’s all bullshit. Paula parrots and Simon says it was like a theme park singer’s performance. Paula breaks in with some very important criticism- she wants to see Simon on a roller coaster. This week’s DOC (drug of choice) some sweet thai stick.
I throw Kinnik 20 votes and I’m sad to say I had no trouble getting through.
Lisa Tucker is next and I think she ought to be disqualified right out of hand for being a professional performer. She’s got an Equity card, has toured with a major musical production and was on fucking Star Search (which should be enough to banish her to hell). I don’t know, it seems unfair. But then, is anything about this show fair?
I don’t know what song she’s singing (but I would venture to say it was not originally recorded by Barbra Streisand). She starts out very wobbly, her voice like that roller coaster Paula wants to see Simon on. (still shaking my head at that one. Paging Emilio Estevez.) Lisa’s parents are trying to mouth the words, but they don’t know them. Hey, Bucky has that problem, too! I’m sorry folks, this performance is not good. It was mostly off-key the whole way through. Let’s see what the judges think… So Randy talks about song choice. Did he win Rock/Papers/Scissors tonight and get to use that as an excuse. Paula parrots him again and trots out the star routine. On the stairway, Katharine McPhee is pissed because Paula told her she was a star. Sweetheart, Paula told the janitor in the green room he was a star. She’s a DRUG ADDICT. Simon softballs Lisa cause he likes her, but I’m sorry, Kinnik was better than either McPhee or Big Bra. I think at this point, we need to get rid of the judges. They have outlived their usefulness (or my patience.) Lisa gets no votes from me, even if she would have been good, because Simon pimped her so hard.
Melissa McGhee is singing a Reba McEntire song I’ve already forgotten the title of and I’ve actually already forgotten Melissa exists. She’s in that amorphous clump I like to call beckymelissaheather, as in beckymelissaheather is going to sing some song I don’t care about, so it’s time to cut my toenails or floss my teeth. And even though Becky is gone, she still is part of the clump because they are all the same person.
In Melissa’s interview, she talks about having to pack for four months and I snort soda out of my nose all over the keyboard. Oh, honey…. As if! Besides, there are some very nice K-Marts not too far from where you’re staying. We see some footage of Melissa on a red carpet and I swear, she’s wearing the blouse Katharine McPhee had on tonight. And she’s going on and on and on about flip flops. Just shut up and go downstairs and get eliminated already.
Okay, someone feed me a cracker, cause these song choices DO suck. Melissa’s so boring, they keep cutting to the backup singers who look like extras from 227. Randy calls the performance HOT and dawg pounds it up and they cut to a shot of Melissa’s friends in the audience, Ivana Trump and Shirley Knight. Paula’s meds are in full kick and as Simon tries to spill some truth out to Melissa, Paula interrupts and paws him. Simon finally calls her on her bullshit and tells her how annoying she is and sitting next to her is like being with some precocious child. Good for you, Simon. This bitch should have been fired after she fucked Corey Clark. Paula changes seats and we can see Randy is really packing on the pounds again.
Ryan tells us that after the break, Heather Cox performs, but I’m guessing we won’t see her on her knees in front of Nigel Lythgoe. No, we’re gonna hear her butcher “Hero” by Mariah Carey. Heather talks about walking down Hollywood Boulevard for the first time. Get used to it, Peaches. It’s gonna be your beat in about two weeks.
Not sure what to say. On the one hand, it’s miles above what she did last week. But that could be accomplished if she farted into a jar. She’s dull, but she sounds okay, until that sustained note that everyone but Heather herself knows she didn’t pull off. The audience must have been expecting a train wreck, because they were surprised, too. Paula is running out of steam because she’s. starting. to. talk….like…….this. She tells Heather she looks great (fuck you, Paula) but that doing a Mariah song is not a good idea because she’s being compared to the singer herself. And Simon uses yet another metaphor. They want Heather to be gone, but I have to say I would rather see her stay over Melissa and I think the judges were unduly harsh to her so I’m gonna throw her some votes.
Brenna is next and Ryan is all giggly over her and wants to try on her earrings. Brenna is singing “Last Dance” by Donna Summer, but is going to vamp for the camera for about three hours first. I hate her and I cannot wait to order a Big Mac and fries from her register next month. She starts the song off in a very bizarre place that makes it sound like she forgot the words. She’s pretty sub-standard. The karaoke comparison would fit snugly here. But the most fascinating thing about the performance is that for about three seconds, she dropped the posing and sneering and looked absolutely terrified and nervous, then picked it back up again. Paula is at a loss, so she asks her favorite face saver- “How do you think you did?” which is a huge mistake to ask someone like Brenna. She thinks she did wonderful and that America thinks she did wonderful. And all I’m wondering is if Jaye P. Morgan is in the house to bang Brenna’s gong earrings and send the bitch home. Randy’s keepin’ it real (and sneak snacking on a hoagie under the table) and Simon has given up on Brenna. She had one chance to bring the claws out and did not deliver, so Simon doesn’t need her anymore. Bye, bye, Brenna. Ryan threatens us with Paris after the break. I better finish my apple quickly so I don’t gag.
Paris has her fifteenth hairstyle, this one modeled after Diana Ross in the runway sequence from Mahogany. Paris is like the reverse Wooly Willy. Every week, the producers take a magnetic wand and draw a different hairstyle on her. Paris’ outfit is just as crazy as she is. Paris promises to bring on the heat, claiming she has “favor” while pointing skyward. One wonders if she’s indicating to God or the producers in the control booth. Ryan is not having her fucking ego and looks like he wants to push her down the stairs, so he sneers that Paris will be doing us a favor by singing after we watch her video.
Wearing a necklace made of ben-wa balls and yet another hairstyle, Wooly Paris talks all about her fashion sense and how she’s presented all her sides. Does anyone still like this chick? Why? Paris is singing “Wind Beneath My Wings” which you know she’s dedicated to herself. In fact, I’m surprised she didn’t say “I’ll be doing Wind Beneath my Wings tonight, which was originally sung by me.” The camera soars around her Constantine-style and we get a glimpse at the back of the outfit. Attached to the outside camisole thing seems to be a weightlifter’s belt, which makes sense, considering she has that enormous ego to lug around. Truthfully, this is the best she’s sounded since she did “Take Five” at the initial audition, but it still didn’t blow me away. Randy compares her to Lauryn Hill, which I’m not sure is a compliment, unless he’s talking about ego. Paris isn’t eating it up with a spoon so much as hanging back expecting more praise to be heaped upon her. They keep cutting to a shot of Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son during Paris’ critique. Simon calls her 17 going on 50.
Ayla Brown is doing a Celine Dion song, but first she talks about going from baby dyke to lipstick lesbian. Another solid performance from her. A couple small rough patches, but overall, even better than last week. The judges agree, but what pisses me off is that they call Heather on doing a Mariah song because they say there’s no way you won’t be compared to the original, who is such an icon, yet they say nothing to Ayla for singing a Celine song. I don’t want them to say anything to Ayla, but it just shows what a bullshit comment it is in any context. Simon knocks her down a few pegs because she isn’t his pimp pick, yet she’s doing better than he expected her to do, so he’s got to figure out how to sabotage her. He now tells her he wants to see more rawness. I throw Ayla a shitload of votes, half because I like her and half to spite that asshole Cowell.
One more song to Mandisa! And I am gonna earn that big ball of loveliness, because I have to wade through Kellie and her bullshit to get to it. Kellie is talking about all the big city things she’s been exposed to since coming to Hollywood. Things like…. spinach. And squid, which the fourth Judd informs us is called Ca-Ca-Calamari. Thanks, Kel. Not all of us grew up watching Hee Haw. Kellie is going to be singing “Something to Talk About” and I would like to start a petition to forever ban this song from future episodes of American Idol. Soooo sick of it. Kellie is a wedding singer. Plain and simple. Well, maybe a wedding singer for siblings who marry. She did better than last week, but it still bores me. Paula pimps Pickler hard and definitely had some reinforcements in the substance department during Ayla’s song. Randy pimps Kellie even harder. You know what this means… more Daddy stories. Simon says you cannot help but like Kellie. Simon, I know a few hundred people who would disagree strongly. Simon encourages her to give us more dumbass stories, so expect next week to hear all about Kellie’s first encounters with things like toilet paper and air.
Mandisa! Finally! Amandla! Mandisa makes me wait a whole 90 minutes to hear her and she’s rewarding me by singing a Faith Hill song. Why, Mandisa, why??? You better knock this shit out of the park or I’m switching my allegiance to Ayla. Terrible song choice and she was clearly nervous and it affected her performance. Very shaky, but had some good moments. I’m gonna stand by my lady one more week. I’m throwing her much love and much votes. She needs to seriously bring it next week, though. I think she may be in danger. The judges give her a few belated valentines, so maybe she’s safe for a while. She is so adorable.
Okay, so my ranking after an incredibly dull show (please can the country songs, they are so terrible.)
1- Ayla
2- Mandisa
3- Kinnik
4- Heather
5- Melissa
6- Kellie
7- Paris
8- Katherine
9- Lisa
10- Brenna
Who should go: Brenna and Lisa
Who will go: Brenna and Kinnik
posted by kieran at 2:47 AM
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