Thtarry, Thtarry Night. AI Re-cap 3/8
I’m late tonight. No, I haven’t skipped a period, I was stuck in class until 11:30pm and all I could think of while listening to people present their work was- gotta go home and watch Idol. So here I am and ready to recap.
Where the Boys Are? Onstage, single file. Gedeon smiles big. Chris looks a little irritated (he’s cultivating a look, I’ve noticed, a sort of Billy Idol half sneer with a whiff of “over it.” Nice work, Chris. I did the same thing when I was 13.) Kevin Covais looks smaller than ever, Bucky looks like a deer in headlights. He better be careful one of his kin don’t take a rifle and shoot him. Will looks terrified. Taylor is up, he’s up, he’s… no, he’s sideways. Whoo. Elliott is perfection and Ace is hopping up and down, most likely being felt up on the sly by Ryan. He’s wearing a khaki colored beanie tonight, so that means he just wants to be loved. And have his toes shrimped. Ryan is dressed rather nattily, though his tie is almost as tall as he is.
Superfriend role call… everyone thumbs up the camera except for Taylor, who hugs himself against the terrible Russian winter and smiles like he’s in a minstrel show. I’d like to take a huge glittering disco ball and lob it at his head. Ace is so sincere. Who can love him? Who can handle all the sensitivity he has but is afraid to truly express? Who will complete Brett “Ace” Young? Are you man enough? I know I’m not. Yikes, that is a really awful angle on Ryan. We can see right up his nose. You’re never gonna win Ace’s heart that way.
Ryan intros the judges and uh-oh, Paula looks loaded already. I guess we should give her a break. She managed one whole hour last night relatively sober.
Gedeon is up first. Fun fact about Gedeon; he’s a painter. He’s speaking very slowly and precisely and I want to beat him up. Gedeon, baby, why do you make me hurt you? Gedeon has painted a rec-ord combined with the wor-uld. Gedeon explains the painting and I’m going to guess… eating lead paint chips in the projects as a child, because I need an excuse for his behavior if I’m going to continue to support his crazy ass. Gedeon is singing “When a Man Loves a Woman,” and let’s see how much feeling he can put into it, seeing as how he’s had zilch experience doing anything with a woman. He starts off so-so and he has trouble finding a few notes, but it’s a decent vocal performance, if a little dull. Gedeon opens his mouth real wide for the last note and if you pause the frame, you can actually see Pinocchio and Jiminy Cricket floating around behind his back teeth. Paula claps like a seal. I’m thinking she’s gonna be less Neely O’Hara tonight and more Patty Duke accepting her Emmy Award in the early 70s while whacked out on three kinds of everything. Randy likes him, Paula loves him. Simon asks just what the fuck that awful paining was all about and isn’t satisfied with the answer, so he just pretends he didn’t ask and moves on. We cut to a shot of Gedeon’s aunt and uncle. Uncle looks younger than Gedeon. Ryan asks why he picked this song and I think Gedeon does not do well with questions in general. He stumbles out something about knowing how to love all the ladies in his life. Ryan desperately looks for a heterosexual anchor to hold onto, but is left wanting when Gedeon starts listing his mother and grandmother. Ryan’s heart sinks and he loves Ace. Gedeon whoops like Little Richard, the early years and I’m tired of typing the word Gedeon. No votes from me if I could even vote, but it’s too late in the evening.
Back from the break and Ryan walks among the guys as they make funny signs behind his back. Ohhh, not you, Ace. Peer pressure! Ryan finally puts a stop to the hijinks and corners Chris Daughtry, who is up next. He lays a jewel encrusted hand on Chris’ shoulder and Daughtry does not look happy to be touched. But Ryan being Ryan, he doesn’t pick up on this and leans in even closer, breaking down all sorts of personal space barriers. That’s what you get for mocking Ryan, Ace! He’s trying to make you jealous.
Chris’s secret was that two years ago, he had a full head of Seacrest hair, but the big baby started losing it and instead of taking propecia, decided to shave it all off. Well, Chris, you’re lucky it works for you. Is it me, or did Chris look a lot like Ace with hair? Chris is singing a song by Seether and I don’t know their music at all, since it’s generic K-Rock stuff to me. Chris starts off with a mighty shaky vibrato, as though he hasn’t quite gotten over the memory of being pawed by Seacrest. This is a pretty bad performance all-around; lousy song, off-key aplenty, shouting instead of singing in most parts, dazed looks and a couple of half-stumbles across the stage. Do you think Chris and Paula have the same dealer? Randy and Paula soft-soap Chris but Simon gets it kind of right. I like Chris, but I did not like this performance. I wouldn’t rush to pick up the phone, but I might have thrown some votes later on depending on how humiliated Kevin Covais gets. Chris is a little egotistical while talking to Ryan, so no, I wouldn’t vote for him. Learn how to take criticism, dickhead. Fuel hasn’t said yes.
Speaking of Paris Bennett’s favorite punching bag, Kevin Covais is next. We learn that Kevin loves Kanye West and that Kanye drives him and inspires him. Oh, Kevin, he does NOT. Knock it off. Kevin is singing “Vincent” by Don McLean. When I learned of this choice earlier in the day, I initially winced because Kevin is much too young and sheltered to get this song, but now, on the brink of hearing it, I must admit I’m incredibly curious. Yeah, way too many sibilant S’s in this one. He is nervous and his voice is shaking. And on his last note, his eyebrow twitches, involuntarily. Let me see, how can I put this? Ah yes, to paraphrase Whoopi Goldberg in “Ghost,” “Kevin, you in danger, girl.” Randy tries to put a sweet spin on it and I think that’s nice of him. He knows Kevin is going home. He dawg pounds him and that bitch Paris gets up and does her Chicken Little impression. I cannot wait until she gets hers. Seriously. Fucking Wooly Willy, Emmauel Lewis lookin’, bobo stepping, helium voiced, egotistical, Fantasia wannabe. Paula blows so much smoke up Kevin’s ass, he’s bound to get rectal emphysema. Simon doesn’t like it and you know what, it’s time for Kevin to go. No votes. Ryan gets into some homosexual panic banter with Simon and I don’t care. This routine is about as fresh as “Who’s on First.” Put it to bed!
Bucky is next, so we’re going to pimp Cousin Geri, instead. Ryan sits down with Taylor Hicks to have a chat.
“Say Taylor, there’s a rumor going around you have cerebral palsy or parkinson’s. Any truth there?”
“Whoo!”
“Some have even said Tourette’s. Do you feel this is a fair criticism?”
“Whoo!” (Jerk to the side. Hug self.)
Instead, Taylor talks about how he met a great artist, a wonderful artist, Christopher Cross. Wow, Taylor, were you at a Friar’s Club Roast for Rita Coolidge? Ryan asks if Taylor was Sailing, and then proceeds to hit his arm until Taylor acknowledges his funny. Oh, larf. Man, Ace has totally fucked with our Ryan’s head this week. Taylor gets pimped for about four minutes and then it’s time for Bucky, in the Kinnik spot.
Bucky’s fun fact is that he’s a twin. But what you really don’t know is he and his brother are the Hillbilly Wonder Twins. They join their one functioning brain cell together and yell- Form of….Roadkill! Shape of ….an Ice spittoon! And then they drive their pickup truck real fast and drink Pabst Blue Ribbon until they pass out. I have no idea what song Bucky is singing and he always sings (growls?) so low that he gets drowned out by the band and I can’t even tell if he did a good job. How do you critique that? Well, Bucky, your teeth looked clean this week. Bucky, it’s time to leave. Luanne Platter misses you. Randy kinda liked it. Paula is stumbling. Un-pe-p-pretentious. Simon says it was okay. That’s being generous. Ryan brings up Rocky, Bucky’s twin brother and they look scarily alike. Ryan manhandles Rocky and imagines himself the tuna in a Covington Brothers sandwich. I want Rocky to smile so I can see if he has the same fucked-up ass teeth as Bucky. No dice.
Will Makar is singing “How Sweet it Is,” by James Taylor. Fred Savage, it better be sweet, cause you have sucked two weeks in a row. Will reads off the cue cards worse than Lauren Bacall, and we learn he is studying Japanese. (Or at least that’s what the producers told him he was doing.) Will has accomplished the unthinkable. He has actually made James Taylor seem like James Brown in comparison to this very white bread with mayo performance. I think I got a zit while watching that. In a strange twist, Will tries to soft soap the judges, asking Randy what’s goin’ down. Randy’s answer, basically, is YOU. It was not good for Randy. Paula totally disagrees with Randy and now I’m guessing she’s on ‘shrooms. Paula thinks all the guys have been stepping up their game. She’s probably replaying last season on her eyelids. She has no clue. Simon agrees with Randy. Even Perry Como called the control booth and was like- “What the fuck??” Ryan asks Paula why she liked Will and instead of listening to Paula blather, I took my Tivo remote and paused every other frame and I swear, she looked just like Jeff Spicoli the entire time.
Taylor Hicks appears on the video monitor in a rabbit costume, talking about how he used to appear as the Easter Bunny in shopping malls. That must have been fun. Some three year old wants a colored egg and there’s Peter Cottontail, bending to the side every two minutes, hugging himself and yelling “Whoo!” Paula doesn’t realize there’s been a video segment, because she’s used to seeing life-sized rabbits around this point in the evening.
Tics is singing “Takin’ it to the Streets.” He starts out a mite shaky, but picks it up, quickly. He sounds pretty good and this is his best so far. He’s holding in all the bullshit, but uh-oh, oh-no, don’t, don’t, don’t… complete twitch breakdown. Wind him up, watch him flail. Paula claps like a seal so hard her upper arm meat starts jiggling as hard as Taylor’s legs. She stands and this causes Taylor to go full on Ray. He almost had me tonight. I had just about thought he was gonna pull it off, but he blew it. The thing about Taylor is he’s got a decent voice, but there are a few people in this competition who can either match or out-sing him without all the mannerisms. So what’s the point?
Randy likes the vocals but sort of cracks on the dancing. Paula says she loved the dance and is going to incorporate the steps and use them for the rest of her life. What she forgets is she already does that after four or five cocktails. Between them , Taylor whoos half a dozen times and we cut to some woman in the crowd who is dressed and lit like she just walked out of a Glen Campbell Christmas Special, circa 1970. Simon likes him and then Ryan comes out and tries to do the Taylor, almost smacking Hicks across the chops. I am sooooooo jealous. I’ve wanted to do that the past two weeks.
We learn that Elliott Yamin has a 90% hearing loss in one ear. This kid is falling apart, but you’d never know it from his talent. He is singing “Heaven,” by Bryan Adams, another song choice I cringed at when I heard about it earlier today. Elliott is clearly giving in to pressure from the judges to sing songs that aren’t quite so “old.” I’m nervous going into this one. For some reason, Elliott seems to have a very hard time getting people to like him and I can’t figure out why. He’s got an amazing voice, he is genuinely likeable without having to resort to things like speech impediments, jailed daddies, being Jesus’ #1 singer on the Hit Parade or spastic choreography. He’s the real deal and people ought to be jumping at the chance to put him through. Okay, enough stalling… I’m going to listen to the song. Oh, I wish I hadn’t. Not good. Terrible song choice for him. I hope he never listens to the judges again. He was straining and sharp. Oh my god. I just realized the best singer of the night has been Gedeon. I mean, sure, we haven’t heard Ace, but what are the odds his breathy bullshit is gonna pull this show out of the doldrums? Man, I have been served two consecutive helpings of liver and I am NOT happy. Okay… judges? Randy is huffing Paula’s fumes. He tries to get the dawg pound to react, but they can barely muster a whoop-whoop. I mean, I’m happy he loves Elliott, but I almost feel guilty when it isn’t deserved. Paula gets completely beside herself and knocks the straw out of her “water.” A few drops hit the table and burn a hole clean through to the bottom. Simon tells Elliott it was the wrong song for him and that it was a cop-out. A cop-out, Simon? He’s only doing what you all but ordered him to do to grant your favor. I know I’ve said it before, but I truly hate when the judges pull this contradictory shit.
TPTB must be reading all our boards, because they have decided to butch Ace up a bit. We see him pounding nails, and varnishing and wearing a cute surgical mask. Yeah, it didn’t work, guys. Sorry. Speaking of cute surgical masks, the Campbell’s Soup Kid will be singing a Michael Jackson joint. Something called “Butterflies.” This one’s going out to Ryan Seacrest for all he does to me in my tummy. I don’t know this song, so it must be A.P. (after pedophilia). Ace pulls a “Sway” and sings this wretched song almost completely in falsetto. His beanie is pulled down so far; his eyebrows have hardly any room to put on their usual Japanese Noh play while he’s singing. Ugh, it was not so hot. Randy asks Ace if he knows what was so great about it. Ryan’s hand shoots up, immediately. We see a shot of one of Ace’s brothers and he has eyes even more wide and Keane-like than Ace. Simon has a veiled compliment that I don’t care to deconstruct. It’s late, I’m tired and my men have let me down. I am so disgusted, I’m not even going to rank a 1-8. I think they were all mediocre-to-suck-ass.
Who should go: EVERYONE! (Fine… Kevin and Will)
Who will go: Kevin and Will, with perhaps Bucky as a dark horse.
Vote Mandisa. Seagulls out.
Where the Boys Are? Onstage, single file. Gedeon smiles big. Chris looks a little irritated (he’s cultivating a look, I’ve noticed, a sort of Billy Idol half sneer with a whiff of “over it.” Nice work, Chris. I did the same thing when I was 13.) Kevin Covais looks smaller than ever, Bucky looks like a deer in headlights. He better be careful one of his kin don’t take a rifle and shoot him. Will looks terrified. Taylor is up, he’s up, he’s… no, he’s sideways. Whoo. Elliott is perfection and Ace is hopping up and down, most likely being felt up on the sly by Ryan. He’s wearing a khaki colored beanie tonight, so that means he just wants to be loved. And have his toes shrimped. Ryan is dressed rather nattily, though his tie is almost as tall as he is.
Superfriend role call… everyone thumbs up the camera except for Taylor, who hugs himself against the terrible Russian winter and smiles like he’s in a minstrel show. I’d like to take a huge glittering disco ball and lob it at his head. Ace is so sincere. Who can love him? Who can handle all the sensitivity he has but is afraid to truly express? Who will complete Brett “Ace” Young? Are you man enough? I know I’m not. Yikes, that is a really awful angle on Ryan. We can see right up his nose. You’re never gonna win Ace’s heart that way.
Ryan intros the judges and uh-oh, Paula looks loaded already. I guess we should give her a break. She managed one whole hour last night relatively sober.
Gedeon is up first. Fun fact about Gedeon; he’s a painter. He’s speaking very slowly and precisely and I want to beat him up. Gedeon, baby, why do you make me hurt you? Gedeon has painted a rec-ord combined with the wor-uld. Gedeon explains the painting and I’m going to guess… eating lead paint chips in the projects as a child, because I need an excuse for his behavior if I’m going to continue to support his crazy ass. Gedeon is singing “When a Man Loves a Woman,” and let’s see how much feeling he can put into it, seeing as how he’s had zilch experience doing anything with a woman. He starts off so-so and he has trouble finding a few notes, but it’s a decent vocal performance, if a little dull. Gedeon opens his mouth real wide for the last note and if you pause the frame, you can actually see Pinocchio and Jiminy Cricket floating around behind his back teeth. Paula claps like a seal. I’m thinking she’s gonna be less Neely O’Hara tonight and more Patty Duke accepting her Emmy Award in the early 70s while whacked out on three kinds of everything. Randy likes him, Paula loves him. Simon asks just what the fuck that awful paining was all about and isn’t satisfied with the answer, so he just pretends he didn’t ask and moves on. We cut to a shot of Gedeon’s aunt and uncle. Uncle looks younger than Gedeon. Ryan asks why he picked this song and I think Gedeon does not do well with questions in general. He stumbles out something about knowing how to love all the ladies in his life. Ryan desperately looks for a heterosexual anchor to hold onto, but is left wanting when Gedeon starts listing his mother and grandmother. Ryan’s heart sinks and he loves Ace. Gedeon whoops like Little Richard, the early years and I’m tired of typing the word Gedeon. No votes from me if I could even vote, but it’s too late in the evening.
Back from the break and Ryan walks among the guys as they make funny signs behind his back. Ohhh, not you, Ace. Peer pressure! Ryan finally puts a stop to the hijinks and corners Chris Daughtry, who is up next. He lays a jewel encrusted hand on Chris’ shoulder and Daughtry does not look happy to be touched. But Ryan being Ryan, he doesn’t pick up on this and leans in even closer, breaking down all sorts of personal space barriers. That’s what you get for mocking Ryan, Ace! He’s trying to make you jealous.
Chris’s secret was that two years ago, he had a full head of Seacrest hair, but the big baby started losing it and instead of taking propecia, decided to shave it all off. Well, Chris, you’re lucky it works for you. Is it me, or did Chris look a lot like Ace with hair? Chris is singing a song by Seether and I don’t know their music at all, since it’s generic K-Rock stuff to me. Chris starts off with a mighty shaky vibrato, as though he hasn’t quite gotten over the memory of being pawed by Seacrest. This is a pretty bad performance all-around; lousy song, off-key aplenty, shouting instead of singing in most parts, dazed looks and a couple of half-stumbles across the stage. Do you think Chris and Paula have the same dealer? Randy and Paula soft-soap Chris but Simon gets it kind of right. I like Chris, but I did not like this performance. I wouldn’t rush to pick up the phone, but I might have thrown some votes later on depending on how humiliated Kevin Covais gets. Chris is a little egotistical while talking to Ryan, so no, I wouldn’t vote for him. Learn how to take criticism, dickhead. Fuel hasn’t said yes.
Speaking of Paris Bennett’s favorite punching bag, Kevin Covais is next. We learn that Kevin loves Kanye West and that Kanye drives him and inspires him. Oh, Kevin, he does NOT. Knock it off. Kevin is singing “Vincent” by Don McLean. When I learned of this choice earlier in the day, I initially winced because Kevin is much too young and sheltered to get this song, but now, on the brink of hearing it, I must admit I’m incredibly curious. Yeah, way too many sibilant S’s in this one. He is nervous and his voice is shaking. And on his last note, his eyebrow twitches, involuntarily. Let me see, how can I put this? Ah yes, to paraphrase Whoopi Goldberg in “Ghost,” “Kevin, you in danger, girl.” Randy tries to put a sweet spin on it and I think that’s nice of him. He knows Kevin is going home. He dawg pounds him and that bitch Paris gets up and does her Chicken Little impression. I cannot wait until she gets hers. Seriously. Fucking Wooly Willy, Emmauel Lewis lookin’, bobo stepping, helium voiced, egotistical, Fantasia wannabe. Paula blows so much smoke up Kevin’s ass, he’s bound to get rectal emphysema. Simon doesn’t like it and you know what, it’s time for Kevin to go. No votes. Ryan gets into some homosexual panic banter with Simon and I don’t care. This routine is about as fresh as “Who’s on First.” Put it to bed!
Bucky is next, so we’re going to pimp Cousin Geri, instead. Ryan sits down with Taylor Hicks to have a chat.
“Say Taylor, there’s a rumor going around you have cerebral palsy or parkinson’s. Any truth there?”
“Whoo!”
“Some have even said Tourette’s. Do you feel this is a fair criticism?”
“Whoo!” (Jerk to the side. Hug self.)
Instead, Taylor talks about how he met a great artist, a wonderful artist, Christopher Cross. Wow, Taylor, were you at a Friar’s Club Roast for Rita Coolidge? Ryan asks if Taylor was Sailing, and then proceeds to hit his arm until Taylor acknowledges his funny. Oh, larf. Man, Ace has totally fucked with our Ryan’s head this week. Taylor gets pimped for about four minutes and then it’s time for Bucky, in the Kinnik spot.
Bucky’s fun fact is that he’s a twin. But what you really don’t know is he and his brother are the Hillbilly Wonder Twins. They join their one functioning brain cell together and yell- Form of….Roadkill! Shape of ….an Ice spittoon! And then they drive their pickup truck real fast and drink Pabst Blue Ribbon until they pass out. I have no idea what song Bucky is singing and he always sings (growls?) so low that he gets drowned out by the band and I can’t even tell if he did a good job. How do you critique that? Well, Bucky, your teeth looked clean this week. Bucky, it’s time to leave. Luanne Platter misses you. Randy kinda liked it. Paula is stumbling. Un-pe-p-pretentious. Simon says it was okay. That’s being generous. Ryan brings up Rocky, Bucky’s twin brother and they look scarily alike. Ryan manhandles Rocky and imagines himself the tuna in a Covington Brothers sandwich. I want Rocky to smile so I can see if he has the same fucked-up ass teeth as Bucky. No dice.
Will Makar is singing “How Sweet it Is,” by James Taylor. Fred Savage, it better be sweet, cause you have sucked two weeks in a row. Will reads off the cue cards worse than Lauren Bacall, and we learn he is studying Japanese. (Or at least that’s what the producers told him he was doing.) Will has accomplished the unthinkable. He has actually made James Taylor seem like James Brown in comparison to this very white bread with mayo performance. I think I got a zit while watching that. In a strange twist, Will tries to soft soap the judges, asking Randy what’s goin’ down. Randy’s answer, basically, is YOU. It was not good for Randy. Paula totally disagrees with Randy and now I’m guessing she’s on ‘shrooms. Paula thinks all the guys have been stepping up their game. She’s probably replaying last season on her eyelids. She has no clue. Simon agrees with Randy. Even Perry Como called the control booth and was like- “What the fuck??” Ryan asks Paula why she liked Will and instead of listening to Paula blather, I took my Tivo remote and paused every other frame and I swear, she looked just like Jeff Spicoli the entire time.
Taylor Hicks appears on the video monitor in a rabbit costume, talking about how he used to appear as the Easter Bunny in shopping malls. That must have been fun. Some three year old wants a colored egg and there’s Peter Cottontail, bending to the side every two minutes, hugging himself and yelling “Whoo!” Paula doesn’t realize there’s been a video segment, because she’s used to seeing life-sized rabbits around this point in the evening.
Tics is singing “Takin’ it to the Streets.” He starts out a mite shaky, but picks it up, quickly. He sounds pretty good and this is his best so far. He’s holding in all the bullshit, but uh-oh, oh-no, don’t, don’t, don’t… complete twitch breakdown. Wind him up, watch him flail. Paula claps like a seal so hard her upper arm meat starts jiggling as hard as Taylor’s legs. She stands and this causes Taylor to go full on Ray. He almost had me tonight. I had just about thought he was gonna pull it off, but he blew it. The thing about Taylor is he’s got a decent voice, but there are a few people in this competition who can either match or out-sing him without all the mannerisms. So what’s the point?
Randy likes the vocals but sort of cracks on the dancing. Paula says she loved the dance and is going to incorporate the steps and use them for the rest of her life. What she forgets is she already does that after four or five cocktails. Between them , Taylor whoos half a dozen times and we cut to some woman in the crowd who is dressed and lit like she just walked out of a Glen Campbell Christmas Special, circa 1970. Simon likes him and then Ryan comes out and tries to do the Taylor, almost smacking Hicks across the chops. I am sooooooo jealous. I’ve wanted to do that the past two weeks.
We learn that Elliott Yamin has a 90% hearing loss in one ear. This kid is falling apart, but you’d never know it from his talent. He is singing “Heaven,” by Bryan Adams, another song choice I cringed at when I heard about it earlier today. Elliott is clearly giving in to pressure from the judges to sing songs that aren’t quite so “old.” I’m nervous going into this one. For some reason, Elliott seems to have a very hard time getting people to like him and I can’t figure out why. He’s got an amazing voice, he is genuinely likeable without having to resort to things like speech impediments, jailed daddies, being Jesus’ #1 singer on the Hit Parade or spastic choreography. He’s the real deal and people ought to be jumping at the chance to put him through. Okay, enough stalling… I’m going to listen to the song. Oh, I wish I hadn’t. Not good. Terrible song choice for him. I hope he never listens to the judges again. He was straining and sharp. Oh my god. I just realized the best singer of the night has been Gedeon. I mean, sure, we haven’t heard Ace, but what are the odds his breathy bullshit is gonna pull this show out of the doldrums? Man, I have been served two consecutive helpings of liver and I am NOT happy. Okay… judges? Randy is huffing Paula’s fumes. He tries to get the dawg pound to react, but they can barely muster a whoop-whoop. I mean, I’m happy he loves Elliott, but I almost feel guilty when it isn’t deserved. Paula gets completely beside herself and knocks the straw out of her “water.” A few drops hit the table and burn a hole clean through to the bottom. Simon tells Elliott it was the wrong song for him and that it was a cop-out. A cop-out, Simon? He’s only doing what you all but ordered him to do to grant your favor. I know I’ve said it before, but I truly hate when the judges pull this contradictory shit.
TPTB must be reading all our boards, because they have decided to butch Ace up a bit. We see him pounding nails, and varnishing and wearing a cute surgical mask. Yeah, it didn’t work, guys. Sorry. Speaking of cute surgical masks, the Campbell’s Soup Kid will be singing a Michael Jackson joint. Something called “Butterflies.” This one’s going out to Ryan Seacrest for all he does to me in my tummy. I don’t know this song, so it must be A.P. (after pedophilia). Ace pulls a “Sway” and sings this wretched song almost completely in falsetto. His beanie is pulled down so far; his eyebrows have hardly any room to put on their usual Japanese Noh play while he’s singing. Ugh, it was not so hot. Randy asks Ace if he knows what was so great about it. Ryan’s hand shoots up, immediately. We see a shot of one of Ace’s brothers and he has eyes even more wide and Keane-like than Ace. Simon has a veiled compliment that I don’t care to deconstruct. It’s late, I’m tired and my men have let me down. I am so disgusted, I’m not even going to rank a 1-8. I think they were all mediocre-to-suck-ass.
Who should go: EVERYONE! (Fine… Kevin and Will)
Who will go: Kevin and Will, with perhaps Bucky as a dark horse.
Vote Mandisa. Seagulls out.
posted by kieran at 3:28 AM
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